Unmown lawns, decrepit shacks, gravel roads skidded down by trucks & ATVs. Tourists drink around bonfires in the bush a short walk away, cajoling about the town. No signs & littered with stars & stripes, logs pile up on stone driveways. More people abandon their houses than don’t up here; it’s the way we live. We survive.
Been on a ritalin trip for weeks trying to focus on something for more than 15 minutes at a time. I’m not famous and never will be for any amount of time. I measure successes in how many days i can go without coffee. I never know what day it is. The sun shines or doesn’t shine all the same. Wake me from this sleepwalk. I’m not sure if this is a nightmare.
Do our interests change as we age? Do they develop? Here are a list of things i think i’ve been interested in for over half my life:
- helping people
- playing sports
Similarly, here are things i’ve been interested in intermittently or interests that have started over the past few years:
- the brain
- hockey (watching and analyzing)
- poker (and some other card games)
- visual art / art history
- urban areas / the environment
- drugs, including caffeine & alcohol
- death / dying
Of course, the next question for those of us who haven’t solidified a life is how to make a career, or at least a lifestyle, using things we have interest in. New interests can arise and shouldn’t be discounted, but when looking into education and applying for jobs, it’s probably a better idea to focus on known interests (speaking from experience).
How do i channel, or combine, interests in a magic formula that equates to happiness? How can i survive?
Am i a product of my surroundings? Will moving apartments, cities, change my perspective of the world, the world’s perspective of me?
I hang from the roof of my building, awaiting a hand to reach down. The simplest solution, the only one on which i can count, might be to pull myself up.
Woke up with two ladies in my pocket in the midst of the miracle 1 cent comeback. Qualified for a 3K guaranteed, free entry based on winning a hyper-turbo that only cost frequent player points. This is my last shot so i’m playing tight. I am not trying to make the final table, just to cash, to give myself another few bullets, buy a little time.
I am not trying to get rich only to entertain myself. I never risk my shirt. But I woke up with pocket ladies & was a slightly short stack, and some asshole raised under the gun 3x the big blind. It wasn’t a turbo, blinds still only 15/30. I re-raise all-in, expecting a fold.
I should have been patient. I should pay closer to attention to how the table plays out, but I am impatient, and I am bored. If I’m not screening 4-5 tables, I am watching tv while playing, or reading, or dicking around on the internet in some other way so i’m not even paying half-attention to what’s going on. I should combine all my resources when it’s my last bullet to shoot, but I didn’t. I didn’t know how this guy was playing, and if his standard blind-raise gave an indication of what he might have.
I re-raise all in, and he calls. Pocket kings. Fuck. All my chips in the middle, queens vs kings. Heavy underdog. Nothing out of the ordinary happens on the flop, turn or river. I am out of the free chance to win money. My account is busted, kings over queens.
one of the best things i’ve ever seen
I am always one card away from flopping the nuts or turning a flush or rivering the undercard to make it three of a kind & i lose more flips than not or pick the wrong place to raise or re-raise to catch off guard when i’m beat i’m beat i’m beat staring at my hole cards how can i be beat woke up to bullets sweating away under the gun but i’m beat by 2-7 runner runner turned & rivered me five spots before the pay
Searching for a way to make money without compromising my life. The world, thru a magnifying glass, is tinted with smut & shit. Under my nails is broken glass from clawing at the windows of various mansions i pass on my way to the park. I don’t want to be a corporate slave. I don’t want to worry about how my next meal will arrive. Where is the balance?
I embrace art. How do i survive?
Switching places with someone would be like a prolonged acid trip a sudden switch into new clothes new life new skin
You might end up with more money a nicer neighbourhood easier job more time for fun & friends
And your life right now might be full of cancer treatments a dead-end job a dead-end relationship sick children
Being sucked from your skin de-personalized from your only existential context
You take pills to numb the shake of the strange world in your joints preoccupy your mind with lots of drinking minimal time spent alone
Wonder how many other people are content enough to be scared at the prospect of switching up their life to ascertain a less painful one
And i am foolish to ever have a miserable day by the fact i wouldn’t walk into urban outfitters leave my boring worn clothes on the change room floor & walk out new
Days pass in a post-cigarette on the balcony haze; five hours later it feels like just escaped from my blankets. All events of weeks (what is time?) tossed in a blender & mashed mashed memories. Recollect & make a smoothie.
Same monotonous tasks, same voices speaking /hearing in a jumble, an auditory puzzle.
Meaning is what you make it. The weather affects thoughts, moreso moods.
I am alone in the core of a city, & there are thousands of others just like me on their laptops, breathing.
At last you are tired of this ancient world
This is Mark Arcobello. He is a professional hockey player in the American Hockey League, currently playing for the Oklahoma City Barons, the minor league affiliate of the Edmonton Oilers.
The American Hockey League (AHL) is the second-best pro hockey league in North America. Every NHL team owns an AHL team where they keep their prospects who are 20 or older but not yet ready for the NHL. AHL teams also have players without NHL contracts; a very rough estimation is that half of the players in the AHL have NHL deals, the other half are older players no longer with NHL dreams or younger players who never got drafted and are still trying to make an impression.
Tourist season has seemingly begun, & i dodge on-lookers & cameras. I hate the creation of a spectacle to what to me is home, but on the brightside it’s nice to live somewhere desirable or interesting enough that other people travel to experience.
Living in big cities, it’s easy to forget how nice walking alone outside in the early summer can be.